The first
Hello and welcome! I am so excited that you are reading this post. This has been in the making for almost 30 years. I want to share so much but with any new relationship, I need to take it slow. My mom died in June of 1994. I was 21 and alone in California as my husband was in the Navy and was deployed at the time. My mom had been ill for some time and I knew her time was coming to an end but you can never really prepare yourself for that type of loss. Later that night as I was drowning in grief and in and out of sleep. I had a dream, a vision of a book cover. The cover was yellow and it had a large dark cross wrapped with a sunflower. The book was simply named Doris Jean.
As far as who I am... I just turned 50 in August. Weird to say out loud and even type. It is funny how when you are younger you think 50 is old. I am proud to be 50, it just sounds weird to say. I met my husband in 10th grade and we married when I was 19. We have one son and he is 20. It was a struggle to have him, we will get into that later. I have struggled with my weight all of my life. When you are 50 the Dr. doesn't focus so much on the number but healthy habits and all of the bloodwork numbers. Again, we will talk more about the scale and how it is time to let it go. I have PCOS and Rheumatoid Arthritis but I am managing them both well at the moment. Thank God! I am a positive person, most of the time. I have my moments where I have to get myself in check. Life is hard but I have learned it is how we react to it that makes the difference. Instead of why is this happening to me, I ask what is this trying to teach me? That takes real practice but it is a life changer! Again, I have so much to share but I certainly don't want to overwhelm you all at once.
I attempted to write that book. Over and over again. It would become too emotional to continue and I would check out for years at a time. The guilt of not writing it was like this weight tied around my ankle pulling at me, weighing me down. Do you know that feeling? That business you should create, that new job you should go for, that uneasiness in your spirit that won't let you be because you are not fulfilling your purpose? I am not an author but I have always liked to write. So, I recently decided to start this blog. I am learning the ins and outs and I am sure it will look better as I am more comfortable with the settings and how to actually use them. The most important thing to me in this moment is that I start. JUST START!!
Fear is a funny thing. It can keep you from a lot of important things that are meant for you. I am meant to share my mom's journey and mine as well. Someone needs to hear it. Someone needs a place to come to to feel accepted and not judged. A place where you can come to and can relate to that feeling, good or bad. A place to laugh, cry, be vulnerable, be weak - BE YOU! Yes, I said be weak. So many of us are carrying too much. We think we have to be strong all of the time. That was me. People say it all of the time. You are so strong! Yes, I am but I am also human. Your strong friends need a check-in, a how are you doing, really. A space to be vulnerable without being judged. The longer we are in that "strong" place the further we become from our vulnerable side. I want to offer you a different perspective on things, challenge you to become better for YOU! My mantra is "Be Bold"! That came from my mom. She always told me to be respectful but be bold. In the months to come I will share it all. May I remind you I have been holding this stuff in since 1994. So much has happened, so many things I wish I could have shared with my mom. I know she is with me as so many people remind me when I say I miss her but that doesn't fill the hole where part of her used to be. This woman had been through so much in her life, unspeakable things and she was the most positive person I have ever met, still. Her faith in God was untouchable and she was a light to all that knew her. The story is BIG and I can not wait to share it with you.
My goal is to write a couple of times times a week to start. I will feel blessed if one person reads it or 1 million read it. I just can't sit on it any longer. I won't. There are so many of us holding back for many reasons and I just can't do it any longer. What is it that you are sitting on? What is preventing you from making that move? Time will not stand still and wait on us. It is time to move! Let's do this! Be BOLD!
