Trauma

 Trauma by definition is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience.  Emotional shock following a stressful event or a physical injury, which may be associated with physical shock and sometimes leads to long-term neurosis.  I have shared a lot with you in the past couple of weeks but I think it is important to pause and reflect on the trauma we deal with and don't address. In my 50 years of being on this earth, I can count on one hand the number of people I know who had a trauma-free childhood. So many of my friends have reached out to me and said I had no idea you went through so much.  I know for me and so many that have dealt with trauma, you push it down, avoid certain discussions, and don't engage in conversations that would remind you of the trauma.  That is a very unhealthy way to live but I didn't know better.

When my dad was an alcoholic I learned to move in this world undetected and under the radar.  I became very independent because, in my young mind, I was the most reliable person I had at the time.  I had Doris Jean but even at a young age, I knew she needed to focus her time and energy on my dad.  I always had plenty of friends but if they weren't a close family friend they would have no idea I was living the way I was. 

I know people now who are in their 30's, 40's, and 50's who have not dealt with childhood traumas.  Maybe they were abused, neglected, and never felt good enough in their own skin.  Maybe one parent worked long hours causing them to feel unloved by that parent because they never participated in their life.  Maybe a parent was not present at all.  I could list endless things that would be traumatic in the eyes of a child.  How we are loved and nurtured as children directly reflects how we navigate adulthood.  I knew what I was going through wasn't right but it was my normal.  I knew not all dads acted this way but mine did and I loved him no matter what.  I learned that I didn't need to talk about my feelings and just keep pushing forward no matter what.  A behavior that caught up with me later in life.  

For me, this happened recently, and I had to acknowledge what happened.  I had to wrap my mind around the fact that it was hurtful and I was sad and scared a lot.  That little girl Jackie deserved better.  This is when I had the ugly cry a few weeks ago.  Acknowledge your trauma but don't live in that space.  I never had the opportunity to talk with Doris Jean about what I went through and I know if I did she would cry her eyes out.  She did the best she could but she didn't know how to deal with it all as an adult.  

A lot of experts say to talk or confront the person who was responsible for causing the trauma. What if that person doesn't remember the trauma as you do and minimizes your feelings and memories?  This happened to a friend of mine and it was devastating to her.  Have you heard of the expression, accept the apology you may never get?  In some cases, you will never get an apology or the acknowledgment you are seeking and you will have to move on and be ok with it. 

Mental Health in our country is at crisis levels.  We have to normalize talking about our experiences and being free from them.   Supporting one another and allowing us to speak without judgment.  Healing takes time and a lot of work.  You have to unlearn behaviors and create new healthy ones.  You have to remind yourself that you are worthy of a happy life and take steps to achieve a happy life. It is so easy to repeat what we grew up with, the behaviors that we witnessed time and time again but you don't have to. You have a choice every single day to be better, to do better because you want better.  

We have to break generational cycles of abuse and neglect.  God didn't create us to be creatures of defeat, depression, and sadness, he created us to be victorious, achievers, and beautifully BOLD!  We are his masterpiece and should be treated accordingly.           

If you are dealing with trauma as a child or as an adult, please talk with someone.  You are not alone and you deserve to be free, completely free!  I hope you have a fantastic evening and as I close, I want you to think about three things that you love about yourself.  Put a smile on your face and know you are AWESOME!! Be BOLD!