Friends

 Friends, how many of us have them?  Let's be friends!  I have been seeing so much on Facebook lately about friends. Statements on how folks had more friends when they were the worst version of themselves.  How you have to say goodbye to friends to grow and have peace in your life.  These statements are all very true.  Have you ever had a friend clearly frustrated because they say you have changed so much? It bothers them to their core.  Of course, you are going to change and grow as you should.  Age, maturity, life experience, and gaining wisdom forces us to change.  If it doesn't that is a problem.  I never want to look back over the last year and say yes, I am the exact same person I was at the start of the year. No growth here. What, that is bananas! Misery loves company and I don't want to show up for that party. 

I have a very tight circle.  I am very friendly to a lot of folks as they are with me but I can not call them true friends by my definition.  I am extremely picky at the ripe age of 50 as to where my time is spent and with whom.  I used to have friends that when they would come around I would feel worse about life than I did before they showed up. Complete energy drain, like you would need a nap to recharge because they literally sucked the life out of you.  That is not a friendship, you just became their perpetual dumping ground.

How about the friend that you have had forever and now they are no longer in your life?  Maybe an occasional text but for whatever reason, they have dropped out of your life?  Ten years ago, I would have taken that so personally but I understand that everyone has their own life to live.  I refuse to take on someone else's issues. If that person is meant to be in your life, they will be, period. I love that saying that God has heard conversations that you have not and He has stepped in and removed that person from your life. Don't fight it.  Trust that it is that way for a reason.  Sometimes when you are going through tough times you try so hard to understand the WHY?  It is always revealed, maybe not at that moment, maybe not in a month, or a year, but you will always understand the WHY at some point.    

I have seen friendships struggle because one person is married with children and the other person is single. You can't expect the same level of attention and friendship from the person with the family. They have so many more responsibilities than when your friendship started.  Give them some grace and understand how much busier their life has become.  Grow with them, don't make them feel bad for something that has blessed them. 

Now! I have some pretty fabulous friends in my life!  I want to talk about three in particular.  No offense to those I am not mentioning today.  You know who you are and I love you dearly! 
Natosha, Jenn, and Shakiyra.  Where do I begin?  I will start with Natosha because out of the three I have known her the longest.   

                      
I love the way Natosha and I met. I was returning a shirt in the return area at Kohls in 2010. Natosha was with a friend of hers at the time and I thought she was so pretty. She was laughing about something and I just loved her energy. She said to me that she liked the shirt I was returning. We talked and laughed and left the store. I remember thinking as I was walking to my car, I should have asked for her phone number. Then I thought, nah, that would have been so AWKWARD! It wasn't long after that meeting that I was at work and I look up and am being introduced to Natosha as a co-worker for the school district we worked for. I was like no way!! It was an awesome moment. We became friends and haven't looked back since. Our kids went to different school districts and other than work we were not in any of the same life circles but we always made sure we were there if the other needed a friend. We were the calm to each other's storms at work. Natosha is a believer so we had many talks about God or uplifted one another not with just sister advice but Godly advice. Natosha left the district in 2015 but we have remained friends to this day. We may not talk every day and may go months without seeing one another but when we do get together we pick up where we left off but better. We encourage one another, we are truth-tellers, and we have pasts that will never define who we are as women. She is my sister friend and I love her dearly! She has made some BOLD moves over the past year that I will share later. I love you, Tosh!

Next up is Shakiyra, Shakiyra!! 

Shakiyra and I met, I want to say around 2017. She moved here from South Carolina with her family as her husband was stationed at Dover Air Force Base. Her son joined the travel baseball team that my son was playing on. We were friendly at first but really didn't pay too much attention to one another in the beginning.  She was pretty tight with another mom on the team and I just did my own thing. We eventually started to talk more and she could see how fabulous I was, HA! A friendship blossomed. Shakiyra is the friend that will partake in my foolishness. She has driven at midnight with me to the beach to pick up my son. When my husband was in a car accident a couple years ago she knew I was awake for 24 hours so she decided to come to sit with me so I could rest and have some peace. We are just there for each other, no matter what. Besides my husband, she is the friend that knows the most about me and my past. She has been hurt quite a bit by past friendships so it took her a while to really open up. We have a lot in common and I have become her unofficial interior decorator, which I LOVE! She too has made some BOLD moves this past year in her career and I am so proud of her! Our families have become family and we spend most holidays with her and her family. She is my sister friend. I love you, Shakiyra!

Last but not least is Jenn! 

Jenn! Talk about a sweet human, it is Jenn! I ended up in a position in 2017 (I think that was the year) that was very unorthodox. I will write about that more in a future blog but we basically met with me showing up in her department with a box and a smile. I had a lot of emotions going into that position and Jenn was always a ray of sunshine and so very supportive. We worked in Transportation and it was hectic and busy and we always say we would not have stayed that long if it had not been for the other person. We had a rhythm and always had each other's back. It didn't take long for us to start hanging out after work for dinners, drinks, whatever! Jenn and I joined a gym together and did a challenge that we didn't think we would live through. HA! The first picture of Jenn and I is on the way to a Mud Run we signed up for a few years back. I was and still am so proud of us for following through with that. Talk about being BOLD! True definition! The second picture is where it looks as if I am wrapped up in Grandma's afghan. It is Jenn's ugly Christmas sweater. My friend is ALWAYS up for a theme! Jenn is there for anything and there is never a doubt if I needed a friend she would be right there and vice versa. She was the first to show up with a meal when my husband was in that car accident and called to check on us every single day. She is a gem. I finally had the idea to invite Jenn and Shakiyra out to dinner together. I knew they would hit it off and they did. The three of us try to get together and have lunch, dinner, shopping, or something, once a month. I cherish my friendships deeply and I never take them for granted. I love you, Boo!

The three of us are at one of our favorite places, The Station on Kings.






My three besties at my 49th birthday celebration. I was tipsy and a dancing fool! The BEST time!





In closing, I just want to remind you to cherish those friends who make your life better, and sweeter. The ones you don't have to talk to every day but you know where you stand in their lives. Those ride or dies are a true treasure. They are your personal cheerleader as you are for them and they aren't afraid to speak the truth even when you don't want to hear it. I thank God for these ladies. I can be myself 1000 percent without judgment. You are expected to grow and to change, to chase dreams and set goals at any age. If you have someone in your corner that is making you feel otherwise, it is time to reevaluate your friendship. Not everyone is meant to go to the next level with you. I read this quote the other day from Real Talk Kim, and I thought it was worth sharing - Stop being hurt when people don't congratulate and honor you. Mediocrity never congratulates excellence. Read that again!!!

Be Bold! Even if you have to go it alone, Be Bold in ALL THINGS!! 💜

I am curious.. How many true friends are in your circle? Not acquaintances, true ride-or-die friends?

Please comment below. Have a great week!