Eat Donuts

 I would say when I graduated High School I was about a size 10 or so.  I graduated in 1990 and married Sean in 1992.  When I moved to California I started to gain weight, mostly out of boredom since Sean was away so much with the Navy. When Doris Jean died I literally ate my way through the grief.  When we were stationed and moved to MD in 1994, I had probably gained over 60 lbs.  

One thing I can say about my husband is that he NEVER made me feel bad about my weight.  He has loved me through all sizes as I have for him.  My weakness is sweets.  I love cakes, ice cream, chocolate, pretty much anything sweet. I can't control myself.  To this day I can't bring certain foods into our house as I know I will not have control of myself and will end up eating way more than I should.

I had a routine when I was the Youth Director in my early to mid-twenties.  I would stop by Dunkin Donuts every morning on my way to work.  I would get a glazed donut and a chocolate frosted donut and a cup of coffee with cream and two sugars.  I would hurry up and eat the donuts before I got to work so that no one would see the evidence.  I would sometimes eat a snack with the kids in the morning.  Lunch would be something fast food.  Cheeseburger, large fries, and most of the time a milkshake.  When the kids got to the center after school I would usually have whatever snack they were served.   Dinner would be something I cooked or takeout and of course the portions were way too much.  I would usually end the night with a bowl of ice cream.  To be honest, I am surprised I wasn't heavier than I was looking back on all of the calories I consumed.

I knew absolutely nothing about nutrition. Eating was a way to show love in my family and we did it well!  I didn't eat to live I lived to eat.  Eating those sweet foods made me feel happy, full, and content. I was convinced back then that I didn't have an emotional attachment to food, I used to say, I just like to eat.   

I remember being in a meeting with the big boss, her boss, and the Director over both of them.  We were wrapping up the meeting and she said Jackie, have you thought about exercising and maybe going on a diet?  I was floored!  She really was saying this in a meeting.  She said I work out almost every day and you are too young to be that heavy.  You have a pretty face but you need to be healthier.  Can I just tell you, people know when they are overweight, you do not need to remind them and especially not in front of others.  I can't remember what I did after that meeting but it probably involved eating something sweet. 

I remained heavy for quite a few years until.... Until I was ready to do something about it. 

See you next time!  Be BOLD!