Better Together?

If you have read my blog you know Sean and I have been together since High School. I married him when I was 19.  The past couple of years have been challenging as I am not the same person he married all of those years ago, and neither is he.  People change and grow and you hope that your spouse can grow with you and love the person that you are evolving into.  

I have always been an open book and a communicator. I may not always communicate properly but I am never at a loss for words. Sean is the complete opposite. He is quiet, most of the time, and was brought up not to share his feelings or ever really acknowledged that he had them.  

Looking back on our marriage and his 20 years in the military it made me very independent. I had to take care of everything on the homefront.  The house, cars, bills, repairs, the yard, our son - everything.  I got very used to being alone and doing what I had to do.  I never talked about how I felt because there was no point. He was often deployed and military spouses just step in and do what you have to do to keep the family moving.  I was independent before but living that life made me super independent.  

He retired in 2010 and I couldn't wait to have him home.  It was a rough adjustment because I was used to doing everything on my own.  We adjusted. Fast forward to present day.  He works as a Correctional Officer and his hours are less than ideal.  We are in our 50's now and both are very comfortable with who we are as individulas.  I think we both became too complacent and took our focus off of our marriage and focused on all of the other things, our son, work, sleep, everything but us. I tried talking with Sean about it but typical Sean, he didn't see the problem.  He thought I was being unreasonable and that things were fine.  He was completely comfortable with where things were, but I was not. I knew things had to change because I was at a wedding a couple of weeks ago and I told his sister that if things don't change, I was leaving.  She was like what? What would you do, where would you go? Sadly I have been looking at rentals and googling how to separate and articles on divorce.  That completely crushed my soul and I prayed hard about it but you can't change someone who doesn't see that there is a problem.  

To say it has been icy in the Armstrong house for a couple of months would be an understatement.  I have never felt so strongly about leaving and I wondered what my life would be like without Sean. That thought excited me and scared me all at once.  On November 21st I wrote in my Notes, giving up on you is giving up on us. I am not ready to do that.  We have been together since 1988, married since 1992. He is my person, my soulmate.  We are complete opposites and that has always worked for us.  The picture above is from that wedding we went to a couple of weeks ago.  It says Better Together in lights. We are better together, I believe that.  After losing my sister-in-law last Sunday I was really in my feelings all week. I came home one day and completely broke down, hard. I shared with him how I was feeling, my thoughts about leaving, the love I have for him and my need for more. More date nights, more communication and the need to put more focus on us as a couple.  I don't want perfection, I just want effort from both of us.  I do not want to be a statistic and we have invested so many years together. To me, it is worth the fight.  He just hugged me and listened and said he wants to be better and understands what I was saying. Now we just have to see it through. 

The reason I am sharing this is life is not perfect, marriage is not perfect.  Keep your eyes on your marriage, don't become complacent.  Date your spouse, flrit with them, if they say there is a problem, hear them out and work on it together.  It is amazing that Sean and I have been together for so long. It makes me smile but the history is not what will keep up together.  Sean told me when I started this blog that nothing was off the table. I thank him for his support and allowing me to share personal details of our marriage.  I love this man with all of my heart and I am going to Be BOLD and keep communicating and working towards a lifetime of happiness. We deserve that, our marriage deserves that.  I believe God brought this man into my life all of those years ago because he knew I needed him.  I still do.