What Now?

 My last post was letting you know that Debbie passed away.  I do not know if this goes for everyone but a lot of the things my nephews and nieces are sharing with me or are posting on Facebook are a lot of the things I experienced when I lost Doris Jean and my dad.  I wanted to share as you may be going through this right now and I want you to know that you are not alone. 

For me, I went through many stages of grief. If you Google the stages they are well documented and are very real.  I believe you can never fully prepare for someone's passing.  They may or may not have been sick for a long time and you know in your mind that the time is getting close and you tell yourself that it is time but your heart is not up for dealing with what your brain knows.  It is the finality for me.  The harsh reality is that you will never ever see that person on earth again.  That is a lot to take in and comprehend. Sure I was relieved that my mom was not suffering anymore, yes I understood she was ready to be with the Lord because she was tired of suffering but no that did not take any of the pain away from losing her. 

The first couple of days after losing my mom I was in a cloud and I was in a bit of denial. The pain was palpable. It felt like my heart was literally going to burst.  I couldn't sleep, or eat and sometimes it was hard for me to breathe.  For me, then came the anger. Why my mom?  She was an angel on earth, why her? One of the strangest things for me as I was in this indescribable pain was life just kept moving.  I felt like I was drowning at times and everything else around me just kept moving.  The sadness lasted for a long time and is still present at times today.  Once I hit the acceptance stage of grief I understood it was my responsibility to live the life my mom prepared me for, a life of love and laughter.  A life where if you put God first, you can't go wrong and you will never be alone.  

The firsts were hard.  All of the holidays and celebrations that she wouldn't be at.  I think the hardest thing for me was that my parents never got to meet my son. They would have loved him so. I have lived so many years without my parents and I miss them both terribly. Grieving is a process, everyone goes through it differently.  I know talking to others who have lost loved ones, getting back to a routine is so helpful as you are forced to think of something else other than the pain you are going through.  Surround yourself with loved ones, talk about how you are feeling, and keep your memories alive by sharing them as often as you want to. 

Time does make it easier to deal with. You know you are healing when you can think of that person who passed and it does not instantly bring you to tears. You can smile at those memories. Know that if you have lost a loved one or are in the process of losing them, you are not alone.  So many of us have been there and know your pain.  Be BOLD!  Grieve but don't let it consume you for too long.  Your loved one would want you to live a happy life filled with joy, purpose, and love.