Do you ever have one of those days when you feel like your world is caving in around you? Like your reality is not reality, and you want to wake up from the nightmare of the day you just had, but you can't? I had one of those days yesterday.
Most of you know I was away last week for Jacob's graduation from Lineman College in Florida. Other than the kidnapping, carjacking, and shooting a gun in the air incident while we were eating breakfast in Daytona Beach, everything was great! I looked at the news online daily to see if anything was reported on that incident, and found nothing; it was like it never happened. That was a scary, wild experience.
I have to be honest, I am almost too tired to write, but this is like therapy for me, and I know I need good therapy right about now. I need a release..
Sean and I were about 3 miles from the Orlando airport when I got the call from Jacob. He was driving home to Delaware from Titusville, Florida. His car was packed with all of his belongings. He had been on the road for a few hours at this point. He says mom, I have been in a car accident. My car is totaled, but I am ok. Instantly, I felt nauseous, helpless, and immediately transitioned to mama bear mode. To make a very, very long story short, Jacob's godfather, Shawn, called a friend of his that I have met several times to go pick Jacob up with all of his belongings and take him to rent a car. Barry was a God sent and really helped Jacob out tremendously. We are forever grateful. We have a lot of work ahead of us as we contact the Florida Department of Transportation regarding their placement of cones on a freeway. Jacob was not ticketed, and it was clear from the videos that he shared with us that the state worker did not have the cones to merge into a lane spaced properly. It could have been so much worse. You know I thanked God immediately for his protection.
We were at the airport for about 30 minutes when I got a text from one of my best friends, Lori. She asked if I was still in Florida. I texted back and said yes, we are at the airport. Jacob has been in a car accident, totaled his car, and I am helping him with ALL of the things. Of course, she calls me, asks about Jacob, and then tells me she has bad news to share. My heart sank again. She tells me her dad died. Instantly all of the air got sucked out of my body and tears poured from my eyes. I couldn't speak for about 2 minutes. I just sat at the airport and cried. If you have read my blog, you know I lost my mom and dad when I was in my twenties. I have known Lori's dad, Pops, since I was a teenager. Lori's parents have always been the closest example I have had of parents. You always feel at home when you are with them. Pops is known for giving the best hugs, THE BEST HUGS! You felt those hugs from the tips of your toes to the top of your head. It was easy with us; we talked, laughed, and loved every single time we were together. He adored his family, especially his wife, Eileen. They have been married for over 60 years. His love for her was evident in everything he did. He has three daughters. His daughter Barbara Ann recently passed away about four months ago. Lori and Dianne are his other two daughters. They have had to carry a lot over these past few months, and I know they will continue to lean on one another and be strong for their kids and mother. I know how that hole feels that is left in your heart when a parent passes away, and thinking of them, feeling that, breaks my heart. When Barbara Ann passed away, Pops said to me, Jackie, you should never have to bury your child. It broke my heart to hear those words come out of his mouth.
Pops was such a life force! You couldn't help but feel uplifted when you were around him. Even on his tough days, he pushed through to chat, smile, or give you one of his awesome hugs. I remember a visit I had with him. He said Jackie, I can't believe I am still here. All of my friends and my brother have passed. They are going to think I didn't make it to heaven. I said, are you crazy? God is not ready for you yet. You have a lot of personality, and there is a lot of preparation to be done for your arrival. As I was taking the flight home yesterday from Florida, I was high up in the clouds thinking about that conversation. And in my head, I said Pops, it looks like God was ready for you now. Pops - I will forever be grateful to know you, to hug you, to laugh with you, and to share over 30 years of memories with you. You were truly one in a million. I will love you always.
We landed in Baltimore and had about an hour and a half or so drive to get home. I am calling, checking on Jacob, feeling mentally and emotionally drained. Sean and I are pretty quiet on the way home as I pray for Jacob's travels, Pop's family, and just have some space to clear my head as best as I can. We make it home and get things unloaded. I start a load of laundry, finally sit down for a few minutes, and my two dogs start play-fighting. It gets loud and vicious-sounding quick. By the time we get them separated, Koby, my pitbull, has blood dripping from his ear. Oliver bit a nice little piece of his ear. At that point, as the blood fills my hand, I just say - FUUCCCKKKKK!!!! Sure did. I had completely reached my limit for the day. My brain was done processing, and my left eye is still twitching from earlier in the day. I get this weird eye twitch thing when I get stressed now, just lovely. I take a minute for myself and start talking to God. Jacob gets home after midnight, and of course, I am waiting up for him. I greet him at the door, and he just laughs. He asks, how long have you been standing there? I just hug him.
I was BOLD yesterday - I survived the day!
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